True gratitude

From despairing isolation to a profound moment of enlightenment, discover a journey of resilience, connection, and true gratitude under the sun. Find empowerment in appreciating life’s layers of gifts.

I am sometimes asked about the credentials that underpin my energy healing work. What university did I study at? What are my professional memberships? My credentials come from lifetimes of service as an energy healer, Sharman, and way shower. Oh, and I studied at the university of life in this incarnation. Part of my professional upbringing included being locked up, starved, and tortured on a secluded property by a sociopath who was intent on destroying my soul.

Life on the property

The routine on the property was simple. I would wake up to the footsteps above my head as I lay on the basement floor. I would wait in trepidation until I heard him call down the stairs with one single command. “Work!” 

I would dress as quickly as I could and as warmly as I could to sustain my core body temperature through the chill of the day. I would load my essential work tools into my pillowcase that was my carrying case. The axe, saw, vine cutters, trowel, small shovel, screwdriver, spoon and water bottle had become my trusted companions throughout the day. 

This routine evolved slowly at first. When I moved to this new property in a different state with my roommate, there was all the goodwill in the world. He loved how intuitive I was, and I seemed to help him be more intuitive as well.  I had freed him of his demons (or so I thought) and he was very grateful.

But slowly, he started to hear voices within his psyche that he thought was his higher self. They told him things about me that made him resentful. I did not know what these things were until he confronted me with them. These voices told him that he was the intuitive healer, not me. They made him believe that he was a God like being.  As we continued to live together, it became his job to drain all the essence out of me and claim it as his own.

The shift in our dynamic was subtle at first. He would force me to do work around the property. I was no longer allowed to speak to him. All connections to the outside world were cut off. My food supply and sleep time both became very limited. I became isolated from all of society and sensory deprived of all that entailed.

The crushing reality of isolation

We settled into a new routine where I knew my place as a subordinate at best. Every day, it seemed more of my personal sovereignty was relinquished. I would have wondered more about the shift in our dynamic except I wasn’t even allowed to think. He could perceive in energy too. He knew when I was thinking. He would get very angry that I even had thoughts.

I had to train myself not to think because he would rage at me if he sensed me thinking.  Apparently, any thoughts I had were a threat to him. I was also terrified to dream. Any dream I had was a threat to his control as well.  He would angrily wake me up if he sensed I was dreaming. I had to train myself to not even have sleep experiences. Any connection to realms outside of my physical existence became a threat to my personal wellbeing.

The dynamic between us slowly evolved over the months where I had learned to make my presence as non-intrusive as possible. I worked hard to try not to exist when he came around me.  The daily routine evolved to a point where my role was to be totally controlled by him with me having no rights, voice or options, at all.

Searching for hope amidst despair

It was early March. The rain was biting as it came down. I was surviving on a small bowl of rice each day and forced to work outside from sunrise to after sunset. I knew when I could go back in the house because of the position of the sun. The position of the sun became my one comfort and reassurance that the cold and isolation I was experiencing would eventually end for that day. But there was no sun on this one particular day.

I was in the middle of the woods all alone. My reality was pure isolation these days. But it was better than having him mock me as I labored thinning out the vines in the woods and pulling up huge stumps. Slanted sheets of rain poured down mercilessly this day.  It was like being waterboarded from the sky. All my appendages were numb.  I was at a breaking point.

This one experience defined my whole life. All I wanted was a glimpse of the sun so that I could know how long I had to endure until the end of the day. That is all I wanted. It seemed like a small ask. The chilling rain soaked through my clothes and work gloves. There was nowhere to take comfort that was warm or dry. My hands and feet had become inoperable with the numbing cold. What a luxury it would be to feel a hint of the sun’s warmth; it’s kindness.

I begged out loud for the sun to show itself in the foreboding sky. The clouds seemed to get even darker in order to hide the sun’s silhouette from me. It almost seemed intentional. Like I was personally being punished for all the horrible things that were happening in the world.

I just needed sense of the sun’s position in the sky to know if I had already endured hours of torment, or merely minutes. No one could hear me as I whispered at first but escalated to a crescendo. “Please come out”. “Please come out”. “Please come out”. It was the desperate plea of someone who was being pushed to the brink of what they could endure. I was speaking to the sun itself, and perhaps the Universe to intervene on my behalf. I was begging.

I dropped to the ground and cried in primal guttural anguish. I emptied a huge reserve tank of emotion that I didn’t realize I still had. Was I in hell? How did I get to this point? I got swallowed up in the moment. There was no longer a future for me. There was merely misery on all levels of consciousness.  Physically, emotionally, and mentally I was nailed into a depth of despair by this one moment that consumed my whole reality.

The sun as a symbol of gratitude

The rain suddenly stopped. The clouds began to part. There was a hint of warmth emanating from the sky. The sun instantly sent me warmth with its presence. I was amazed at how much heat it generously afforded me. I took off my soaked boots to recollect any feeling in my appendages that I could.

The warmth of the sun allowed me to get feeling back into my toes. The clouds parted more. The sun unveiled itself in the corner of the sky that gave me a sense that it was late afternoon. Just a few more hours to endure. Now I had a concept of time and warmth on my body. I became blissful in gratitude.

It was amazing how sacred this moment became to me. I understood billions of people were greedily absorbing the benefits of the sun. Yet they would be indifferent to its gifts. I became quite reverent in this new understanding that was revealed to me. It was like me and the sun shared an intimacy now that was lost on others. I was wiser now with this heightened appreciation of the sun’s gifts.

I sat in reverence of the warmth. I thought of how little effort it took for the sun to comfort me. I thought of all the people around the world that were moving in synchronicity with the day without giving it a thought. I got a sense of all the animals and plants and water ways that were all connected in the one commonality; their existence in relationship to the sun. All other experiences were layers upon layers of gifts of abundance from the Universe. 

A lesson in minimalism and true appreciation

I knew from that moment on, how little I needed from life. The wells of want and need were forever dried up in me. I knew now that everything else that I experienced, besides the warmth of the sun and its relevance to my existence, were luxuries. I was content.

I didn’t know what was going to happen after that day. But I was ever changed by that moment. I learned true gratitude for all the layers upon layers of gifts that all of us on Earth are laden with.

I know that this was a special experience. But I would not wish the severity of my personal lesson plan on anyone. If you can get a sense of true gratitude from me sharing this experience, I am happy to bring you into the moment with me and share my gift of understanding with you. You are important to me, and we share a kindred spirit in our relationship under the sun and within the Universe.

Tapping into gratitude

Say each statement three times while continuously tapping on the top of your head, a fourth time while continuously tapping on your chest, and a fifth time while continuously tapping on your abdomen.

We remove all blockages to enjoying the gratitude of the moment; in all moments.

We embrace the sanctity of the being in the perpetual now; in all moments.

We dissipate all psychic streams of energy of want and need; in all moments.

We extract all want and need from our sound frequency and light emanation; in all moments.

We shift our paradigm from perpetual want and need to appreciating the sanctity of the moment; in all moments.

We shift into our empowerment through collecting ourselves into the sanctity of the moment; in all moments.

We open all our energy systems in embracing the perpetual gratitude of the now; in all moments.

All selfish ego-based intentions fall away from our beingness; in all moments.

We align with the gratitude of being in the perpetual now; in all moments.

We are centered and empowered in the gratitude of being in the perpetual now; in all moment.

We are strengthened in our gratitude for all other beings also enjoying being in the perpetual moment of now; in all moments.   

We resonate, emanate and are interconnected with all life in the gratitude of being in the perpetual now; in all moments.

Jen Ward Avatar

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