Did we choose this life? Did we choose this body? And why did we incarnate with this family in this community?
I had similar questions growing up because I didn’t feel like I really belonged in my family. There was a lot of tension and I didn’t feel safe or celebrated. It was a competitive sport to be a part of my family, and my true nature was less confrontational to everything happening around me. Unfortunately, there were not many moments where I could relax and just be.
I never expected to get an answer to my questions directly and I put such questions aside because as a young adult, life demanded attention on worldly things like making a living and growing relationships. But one day, around age 30, I had an illuminating and startling experience, an answer to these questions, during a visit to the chiropractor’s office.
An experience beyond the veil of illusion
I was lying on the massage table in the chiropractor’s office at the end of the day. The room was sparsely lit and meditative music floated through the room. Two other patients lay on other tables across the room after their adjustments. After a few moments, they got up off their tables and left the room.
Relaxing after a stressful week, I enjoyed the feeling of my breath flowing easily through me. I could feel my spine rolling with my breath from the tailbone to the neck as I lay there. Suddenly, I was above my body and in the next instance, I perceived I was hovering above my mother’s body.
There was a male figure with a red robe and beard. I learned later, that others had known of this being and that he was some sort of spiritual adept. At the time, I didn’t know who he was floating there above this body with me, but I felt comfortable enough with him to start pleading, almost yelling at him. “No! Not that body! Not that family!” This was all happening in about five seconds and yet we were able to communicate so much.
I was staring down a large tunnel arguing with this adept, telling him I didn’t want to go into that body. He told me (in energy since we didn’t have much time to have a long-winded conversation), “It’s going to be ok. You’re going to get exactly what you need through this family to help you gain strength for your purpose.”
1/2 of a second later, I was going down a slide that turned into a steep vertical tunnel. I came out the tunnel in my new body as a baby and then a split second later, I was back on the table in my body in the chiropractor’s office.
I wasn’t scared or rattled. It was a profound experience but it was neither an emotional experience nor titillating to the senses. There was no rise in cortisol or adrenaline and so there was calm throughout. This experience was “in the subtle realms,” so I remained unmoved. I also didn’t hold on to the experience and try to analyze in that moment. The inner movie of the experience remained with me though I didn’t understand it till many, many, years later.
At the time of this experience on the chiropractor’s table, I thought my life and childhood had its challenges, but I had not yet remembered the trauma from childhood. I had some critical people in my life. And somehow, I had developed a sense of unworthiness that ran deep, as well as panic attacks, chronic pain and digestive problems I could never resolve. I attributed it to a competitive childhood and critical adults. I lived 3000 miles from anyone in my family but I figured it was because I loved to travel, not because I was trying to escape a past.
The whole experience lasted maybe five seconds. After a few breaths, I looked around the room. A light dimmed in the office, and it was time to go. I rolled onto my side and slowly got up from the table. I put my feet on the ground and paid my bill.
Revelations about my life
I told no one about this—what would I say? I remember being born? I didn’t know anyone I could talk to about this. The experience etched in my mind and I would return to it and excavate it periodically. One day, 10 years later, I recovered the memory of the childhood trauma. I had tried to erase it. It had shown up in the panic attacks and weird illnesses. The truth burrowed through the physical and emotional and mental bodies.
That is when I reached for and clung to the experience in the chiropractor’s office. Some inner being had seen what I would go through, what I had been through. They had been there and the words of the adept now echoed through my beingness: I had a purpose and I had gained strength through this experience.
Remembering the moment before my birth was a gift. Knowing that the traumas would strengthen me and lead to me living my purpose eased the suffering. Perhaps it was part of my soul contract. I also felt less alone in the world knowing there was a guide at my birth who was encouraging me in this life.
Purpose, trauma and strength
There is voice of strength and wisdom that lies beyond our personality, our families, our bodies and our incarnations. It’s worth unearthing. Perhaps those of us with severe challenges and probing spiritual questions are here to help make their way through the hard shell of the ego so we can propel ourselves into a larger world where we are connected empathically with others.
My difficulties served me like I had been shown. All was to get me so strong that I would be able to withstand the pressure of the tasks ahead. And I have had inner friends with me on the entire journey.
Could it be that you made some sort of agreement coming into this body? Can it be that we are exactly where we need to be in order to uplift the world and others? Did your body or family or upbringing bring you to this point of awakening?
It was clear that I made some agreement coming into this life. It was some soul contract, beyond even this lifetime perhaps. Maybe even the culmination of many lifetimes of experiences and choices. I don’t regret a single thing.
But what if, as empowered beings, it is possible to free ourselves of contracts or agreements we made in the past that no longer serve us? What if we can have more choice in our lives and even future incarnations? I recommend checking out the events and articles on the Jenuine Healing page where Jen Ward and Marvin Schneider work to empower individuals to do just that and more. Jenuine Healing has been the place in the world where I have learned how to take my next steps spiritually and how to be proactive in living my best life and navigating the ever-changing seas of higher consciousness.
SFT taps to rewrite your soul contract
Try some of these Spiritual Freedom Technique (SFT) taps for yourself from Jen Ward. I notice a freedom in doing them. Say each statement three times while continuously tapping on the top of your head, a fourth time while continuously tapping on your chest, and a fifth time while continuously tapping on your abdomen.
We erase all limitations from our soul contracts; in all moments.
We recant all vows and agreements with all limitations within our soul contract; in all moments.
We shatter all glass ceilings that have been inserted in our soul contract; in all moments.
We make whole all those we have harmed; in all moments.
We remove all blockages to thriving in our optimal joy, love, abundance, health, freedom and wholeness; in all moments.
We rewrite our soul contracts to live in our optimal joy, love, abundance, health, freedom and wholeness; in all moments.
We are centered and empowered in our optimal joy, love, abundance, health, freedom and wholeness; in all moments.
We resonate, emanate and are interconnected with all life in our optimal joy, love, abundance, health, freedom and wholeness; in all moments.