I remember when I was about 30, I lost all opinions. Family members would call and want to discuss issues and I would tell them, “I have no opinion!” I couldn’t even conjure something up. Growing up in my family had been all about winning a game or an argument, so this shift was surprising.
I realize now It was the beginning of tuning into the heart and becoming more of the observer in an expanded state of awareness. The “no opinions” phase of my life continued for a few years until I got caught up again in worldly pursuit of making a living and looking outside my own intuition for guidance.
Clinging to opinions from a book, political party (or a dead person for that matter) can sometimes lead you further into your mind and away from your heart. Now, if I cling to a point of view too tightly, I step back to see if I lost the wider view from the heart.
It can be challenging to step away from the mind and trust the heart, especially if there have been naysayers in your life. They are those voices that come to persuade you that you are on the wrong path. They come in all shapes and sizes: friends, family, teachers or your own mind.
Naysayers can point you to your purpose
Some of the biggest naysayers (outside of my own thoughts) came from family, bosses and teachers. I learned from some of them that the exact thing they criticized in me was the exact path I needed to pursue.
I had a principal at the school where I first taught tell me, “You will never be a good teacher.” He was angry I didn’t renew my contract. The truth was I didn’t do a great job my first year of elementary school teaching. But I kept working at it until I found success with a different age group. It turned out, I loved teaching.
Other naysayers came from childhood. In 7th grade, I had an English teacher I adored so I sat in the front row next to two “friends.” During a test, one friend elbowed me for the answer. The moment I turned to look at her and down at her paper was the moment that my teacher looked up from his work. He admonished me for cheating, gave me a poor grade and the scar from that class shut down my self expression through writing for decades. However, I discovered that writing and expressing myself were elements of my purpose in life.
These naysayers created limitations and blockages that I had to break through. It’s as if the repeated efforts it took to move through the blocks built up my endurance and strength to face other challenges and fulfill my purpose.
Are there negative things you were told when you were younger that actually were the exact thing you wanted to do with your life?
Those mind games – naysayers in your own head
By far, the biggest naysayers have come through my own thoughts. And it seems, the more I experience living in expanded awareness of the heart, the more these voices try to distract me from my purpose. It’s a weird sort of contradiction which I learned has a purpose, too.
I have had whole days where waves of these voices come in to my mental world and try to persuade me that I am unworthy, on the wrong path, blah blah, blah.
I had a day like that recently. The voices claimed that people said this or that about me, that I didn’t matter. There seemed to be no end to the voices even as I tried to stop them. It was like I had a fever and had to ride it out till the fever broke. I took walks to get help from nature and trees. I couldn’t even pick up a pen to journal through it. So I had to withstand the assaults like cliffs taking a beating from waves in a storm.
By the end of the storm (that lasted the day), I hadn’t died from all of the worst thoughts in my imagination. The worst thoughts—that I didn’t matter—I lived through. I learned I didn’t need to matter to survive!
Sometimes there may seem to be no end to the naysayers. If it goes on for days on end, I recommend you find someone who can address disturbances on the emotional, physical, past life level. I have found help like this from private sessions with Jen Ward. Besides helping me identify and release deep issues, she helped free up my empowerment. I learned from Jen that sometimes we have these naysayers, (mind games), even heavy emotions, because as we awaken spiritually, we awaken to the suffering of others more. I understand this to mean that the more empathetic we are to the plights of others, the more we may feel the “storms” of emotions and thoughts of others. Jen suggests when this happens to let the negative emotions wash through without identifying with them. That way I can help release for the collective.
Consider the possibility that the naysayers are there to help you reach your full potential to withstand whatever success and failure come your way. They are the sand to your pearl. Use them to draw yourself even deeper into your passion, your purpose. And know that by riding out the storm you are helping others in the collective release through you.
it is a richer, sweeter, fuller life connecting the heart and letting go of the tight grip of opinions.. You will be uplifting others. You can be the rocks on the shore for another.