Growing up, I preferred to stay in the background unnoticed. Even today it is very difficult for me to speak out of turn.
I disassociated myself from the world as a small child to protect myself from all the pain that was inflicted upon me. I remained in a numbing state and I taught myself how to block out the emotions. Each day I felt a sense of nothingness. I only remember flashbacks of my past and cannot recall many of my childhood memories.
As a child, keeping my head under a pillow with my eyes closed tightly was the only effective method to block out feeling the abuse. As an adult, I keep myself sheltered and protected from the pain of the planet; I do not participate in politics nor do I watch the news or all the disasters occurring within the world. It is even heart-wrenching to watch commercials showing abused animals. Shielding myself from society on a daily basis isn’t the most productive way but it soothes the pain and suffering I hold within my eyes for the world.
I struggle daily with the dissociative disorder. I remain mostly internal in the mental realms with repetitive thoughts and chatter. But knowing that I control my thoughts. Knowing my thoughts do not control me allows me to find healing. Still, I zone in and out of conversations and it is difficult to absorb new information.
Daily SFT Taps and walking in nature are uplifting and alleviate the stress in my mind. If you met me in person, I would have you fooled because my external environment is organized and free of clutter. My simple home reduces the ongoing chaos and demons in my head. Each day is a battle of the internal and external seeking to find balance. But knowing I am not the victim and not allowing my past to consume me brings me comfort.
Dissociation disorder symptoms involve experiencing a loss of connection between thoughts, memories, feelings, surroundings, behavior and identity.
In one of my private healing sessions with Jen Ward, she gave me a beautiful visualization to go back to my childhood and go into each room of the house to create healthy memories. I envisioned myself as a baby nurturing myself with orange healing light and Jen allowed me to invite Darshan, one of her plushie helpers, to comfort me as I grew and filled each room with new remembrances.
Despite all of my daily challenges, nurturing my special needs son and the innocence of my animals fuels my soul. The Jenuine Healing Writers Forum is helping me with the lack of confidence and low self-esteem and becoming more empowered in speaking my truth.
I am also a member of the Jenuine Healing Community and we regularly hold SFT Tapping events for those holding on tightly to the pain for too long which results in suffering. This is our way to outflow to humanity. Participating in these events allows me to feel a sense of worthiness along with my commitment to Jenuine Healing Open House.
Jen has helped me with my dissociative disorder through counseling, SFT Taps and private healing sessions.
I am not my body and the dissociative symptoms do not define who I am. I am a soul that has lived many lifetimes experiencing pain and suffering learning confidence to speak my truth. I am removing my head from under the pillow and opening my eyes wide open.
I love you all and through these words please allow my healing to touch your heart and may you find peace.
This next segment, including the visualization and taps, is printed in the SFT LEXICON by Jen Ward, page 383:
There are stagnant energies that have lingered so long in existence that they mimic the vibration of a personality. They are as functional as an echo. But when someone reacts to them, they put their energy into them and can seem to give them strength and girth. The best thing to do when dealing with these energies is to see them merely for what they are. Imagine them as wisps of smoke that have developed a staying power.
A technique to use to dissipate stagnant energy is to imagine an intention more brilliant than a thousand suns. With your imagination, imagine a light coming through you that is so brilliant that it breaks up anything that is not love. Anytime a thought of fear creeps through, blast that thought with the brilliant light. See it acting as a bleaching agent to purify all energy around you and the person, thing or situation that you are intending to assist.
Say each statement three times out loud while continuously tapping on the top of your head, a fourth time while tapping on the chest and a fifth time while tapping on your abdomen.
We release harboring demons; in all moments.
We release sympathizing with demons; in all moments.
We release feeding demons; in all moments.
We release giving power over to demons; in all moments.
We release creating demons; in all moments.
We release cowering to demons; in all moments.
We release advocating for demons; in all moments.
We release personifying stagnant energy; in all moments.
We release embellishing dead energy; in all moments.
We release giving life to a wisp of smoke or an echo; in all moments.
We release the fear of demons; in all moments.
We release giving demons superhuman strength; in all moments.
We release the belief that demons are evil spirits; in all moments.
We release confusing demons with demonic possession; in all moments.
We exorcise all demons; in all moments.
We release owning the demons; in all moments.
We release being enslaved to the demons; in all moments.
We recant all vows and agreements between ourselves and the demons; in all moments.