I woke up for a second time, but this time in the morning of a warm Summer day. I was eager to share with my mom an experience I had during the night. This is how it went.
Mom, Jesus came to me last night.
He did? Where was he in the room?
He was standing in front of my bed petting a deer.
What was he wearing?
He was all colors.
What did he say to you again? (My mom continued to question me over and over)
I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Yes, this is true! I woke, sat up and Jesus was petting a deer in front of a tree. It was all colors. I wasn’t scared.
He asked me, do you know who I am?
Do you know what day it is?
It’s you’re birthday.
Go and tell others.
What was a five-year-old to do? Well, the next day, I did exactly what was asked of me. I told everyone that it was Jesus ’ birthday. I felt brave to use my voice on that day.
Looking back as an adult, I hear his words differently.
Do you know who I am?
You are love.
Go out and show the world.
Simple message and call to action with a profound meaning, wouldn’t you think? It is an offering to yourself and others to lead the way in discovering qualities once believed as defaults; expanding into your true self; taking a leap of faith; the thrill of a new journey; holding sacred space to comfort and guide; bearing witness to change; and the honor of being invited to a birthday.
I wouldn’t say this childhood experience is what lead me to become a birth doula in my early 40s. Introduction to this profession is quite a boring story, I’m afraid. It was on the school playground during Winter. A fellow mom and I chatted as we watched our children play together after school. She asked if I would be interested to join her in attending a birth doula training. She said I have a soothing and calm presence. Huh, that’s interesting, I have always labeled myself as boring and quiet. There was no resonating feeling of this being my life purpose or excitement it was only received with resistance and fear.
It’s not that I don’t like hospitals, I actually feel quite comfortable there. I was even a Candy-Striper (young hospital volunteer) for some time while in Junior High School.
Do I want this responsibility when I have enough already at home to care for with a husband and three children? Do I have the energy to learn something new and out of my comfort zone? Who would want me in the labor room with them? Being woken up during the night, not knowing how long the labor would take and how many hours I would go without food or sleep? Would I remember the comfort techniques, guessing baby positioning during labor, manage the room or conversations between patient and hospital staff? To touch someone else’s body and hold their baby?
In the Spring of 2011, I became a certified birth doula. My family was especially happy to see that I was happy in my new role compared to my prior role. Corporate life, I thought was my forever role. But I often did ponder “Why am I using my energy to support this business? Wouldn’t it be more fulfilling to support people?”
You can tell by now that I like to think a lot.
Embracing my well-suited qualities and learning to use my voice with confidence took a couple of years but that’s okay.
Now, I love to see who comes my way. I am excited to be invited onto the birth team. I look forward to being a beacon of light in the room reminding clients that they are more than capable, holding a sacred space that can present itself as a mother’s love, saying hello energetically to the newly born and hearing, at one of the births, a resounding energetic hello back!
But my most favorite thing is being in the midst of a couple’s relationship and watching their lives evolve. Looking into their eyes post birth as we say our goodbyes knowing they have experienced a new understanding.
As the births came and went, so did the feelings of upliftment and momentum. I was burnt out and my body was tired. I came to a crossroads of whether to continue as a birth doula or trust the small tug in my heart to go in another direction. Little did I know that so much more was happening in the labor room other than just another birth.
Seeking guidance, I booked my second session with Jen Ward in the Fall. Much clearing, healing and rebalancing happened. Jen shared with me that my main role in the labor room was to remind new souls of who they truly are: Omniscient, Omnipotent and Omnipresent. What? Hearing this, I was awestruck and afterwards deeply touched. Without Jen, I would have continued to check off future births one by one never really aware of the magnitude of all souls and roles coming to encompass on this planet.
Having acknowledgment that I was out and showing the world love has brought me great comfort and peace. Thank you Jen! My growing pains and journey to this point in time was all worth it.
I have decided to slow down my practice in order to have more time for myself and less of being on call 24/7. Appreciation of the new perspective about birth after my session with Jen, living at a slower pace, pockets of space to create and most of all the freedom of not being bound to time and other people’s schedules.
What happened to the small tug in my heart you my be asking? It’s still there.
I chose to let go of having to know the big picture or feel the pressure of having it within my hold right at this second. It will unfold and fine tune while I have fun playing and being in the flow as much as possible.
What does being in the flow feel like? It’s a feeling of effortlessness! Listening to my higher self and allowing my body to respond, as it whispers go this way, look over there, appreciate all living things and everything that surrounds you, daydream big of future places to travel and explore, new experiences and people yet to meet.