What does the word responsible mean to you? Does it feel like a burden or offer you a feeling of reliability? This story might have some sad parts here and there, but things turn out well. I was thinking about the timeline of my life and how responsibility was taken on, assumed or assigned, within the birth family.
I was a happy baby. The parents would wake me up to experience happiness. I was soon responsible for uplifting the mother and be in charge of the brother who desperately needed a father figure after the birth parents divorced. The responsibility of a peacemaker and a mother to the mother and to the brother was now mine. Perhaps my higher-self was in agreement. I come to the conclusion that I was born to the birth family but do not feel part of the birth family. Does this make sense? This is simply how I feel. The stepfather was soon in the mix, which lead to more emotional lack and created a wedge between the children and the mother.
Love and appreciation for the mother and the brother is there as I understand they too have come to explore and experience life. The brother is no longer living in anger, and I have learned that short amounts of time together work best. The mother has always been supportive and encouraging and introduced many spiritual ideas to me. We continue to exchange interesting conversations to this day. But most of all, she allowed me lots and lots of freedom. I have always been extremely independent, although lonesome most of the time. I chose daydreaming as a way to escape and entertain my youth, which created what was to come.
When meeting the husband, deciding where to live became quite the adventure for me. We ended up living far, far away from previous responsibilities that would start right back up where they left off whilst returning home for a visit. Many years passed before the option of relocating near the birth family presented itself.
To my surprise nothing had changed. My roles as the peacemaker and mother to the mother and the brother had returned. Expectations came fast and furious. A physical distancing did come about even though it was only four houses of separation. I noticed a triangle was formed while I was away. It’s an image I see in my mind between the mother, the stepfather, and the brother. I realized that I was physically free, but not so much energetically.
What do I mean by not energetically free? I believe at times energetic responsibilities were tossed in my direction, which felt like a need to be in control. I had a bit of depression and sense of dread when waking up most mornings.
No worries! In my first session with Jen Ward, she was able to see past life layers between the brother and myself that needed to be ripped off and healed. Over time with continuing the taps, boundaries were created through clear choices and maturity.
As of today, the triangle that I mentioned above still exists. Thankfully, energetic responsibilities are no longer being tossed on my side of the fence. I do understand that my higher-self chose this starting point in life and I can see it was not all that bad – just painful and disappointing at times. For example, lots of missed opportunities with the grandchildren who are now grown. Unfortunately, I had a perfect picture of a Norman Rockwell family setting in mind.
As for the husband and the children? Well, I’m training myself to back out of the responsibilities (assumed or given) of being a peacemaker or a mother to everyone. I actually don’t want these responsibilities anymore. The husband is adjusting.
The children are fine and will be fine. I sit back, relax to feel the joy and honor that the children chose the parents.
