It is one o’clock in the morning. I just woke up from a nightmare to write this truth.
In the dream I just had, I was going into a foreboding experience of mass death. It was calm, even peaceful in an eerily controlled way. There was a presence with me that was goading me on. He was pretending to my spirit guide, but in truth, he was a personified negative energy of some kind.
In the experience, as subtle as it was, I was led to the brink of death. It was not a peaceful death. And while there was so much trauma encapsulated in the experience, in the dream, I was the calm watcher. I knew there was something important for me to understand about the dream.
The dream’s foreboding message
I was being coaxed into a horrific experience that I did not understand by an evil presence that showed up as a spiritual advisor. Beyond the brink was a jumping off point into a beyond that was so horrific, I had no reference point for it. I was watching myself being led into a falling off place from which there was no return.
This place is where the energy is stored from those who died in terror, torture, or in futile hopelessness. It was as if their angst was somehow induced, encapsulated, and harnessed for some nefarious intentions beyond my level of understanding. Except I did know this place well. I had been trapped there in the past. I was familiar with the horrendous hell of suffering that was the sum of the experience in being trapped there.
As I woke up from this dream, I felt light and free with no residual reaction to being in such a horrendous experience. But as I woke, I was suddenly drawn to a moment of time when I was starved and tortured on a property by a sociopath. I remember a particular time when I was at my hungriest and most despondent, when I was being pushed to the edge by cruelty and indifference, that I wanted to give up. I was ready to give this nefarious energy impersonating a crazy man what he wanted. I was ready to relinquish my own soul at his behest and die in energy.
The sociopath’s torment
I didn’t even know what this really entailed. But energetically, I had a sense of it. When I was on the property, the sociopath was moving me closer and closer to this outcome. He kept telling me relentlessly how bad I was, how I had caused so much pain in the world, and how I had no right to exist. He wanted me amalgamated into such self-loathing that I would agree to dissolve my own soul. It was not just a physical death he wanted from me. He didn’t want me to exist on any plane of existence.
All the starvation, sleep and sensory deprivation, and physical work were a mere part of his itinerary. There was also a constant barrage of berating designed to break down my psyche. Even him impersonating a spiritual adept was intended for one outcome – to reduce me to the point of conceding not to exist anymore. It was close to working. I was close to conceding.
During one particularly long breakdown session, the antagonist captor would have me imitate different aspects of people he hated in the world. These included his mother, brother, boss, old girlfriend, fellow employees, and even strangers. He had a problem with each one of them. I would stay on his good side by doing an imitation of each one of them suffering a horrific death. It made him happy.
These imitation sessions started out as play forms of punishment for them being so hard on him. They quickly turned into his fantasy of how each one of them should literally suffer. They became part of his obsession with different alien races that conspiracy theorist like to promote. He was convinced that each person that annoyed him in this life represented a nefarious species of aliens that was trying to take over the planet. So as warped as this seems, we thought we were saving the planet.
In the beginning, this imitation suffering role playing included just a couple people. But he kept adding people to the list. I had to imitate each one of them as a nefarious alien. I also had to act out a particularly horrific way that they were going to die. When I had play acted the horrific death of all these space aliens to his satisfaction, he would leave me alone. I could finally get out of my chair in the basement and go onto the floor and sleep.
One night, he was particularly disturbed. He said he hated me so much because I was an aspect of all the people that he hated, and they all needed to be destroyed. So, in his mind, I needed to be destroyed for them to be destroyed. For hours, he made me imitate all these horrific scenarios. It was taxing on my throat, my body, my heart, and my existence.
After hours of placating him in this fascination of his, I was exhausted to the bone, starving, scared, and stretched to the limit with no end in sight. Something intervened for me in that moment. I heard inner music. Beautiful music. I stopped the performance. In a childlike voice that was void of anything but sweet innocence, I got the courage to say, “I-I-I hear mu-music”. “I hear music”.
This took the antagonist aback. “Who said that,” he demanded. I repeated with trepidation. “I hear music”. He looked at me like he was looking for one person in a sea of faces. He was perplexed and interested in this voice. He dropped out of his hatred in a kind stance. He said to this one thin aspect of me who heard the music, “All the rest of you is dying. You get to live.”
A persona born from trauma
I was happy because it meant he wasn’t going to physically kill me because he liked this innocent voice and didn’t want to hurt it. This innocent aspect of myself became the norm in my persona. He was named Skippy. It was a schism of me that became my dominant personality. It was a form of survival perhaps. Or perhaps it was my higher self-coming out to rescue me. But the personality of Skippy became a saving grace. Skippy became the best aspect of me. When I was Skippy, the antagonist was kind to me. But if he sensed another aspect of persona present, he would turn suddenly cruel and walk away.
I liked being Skippy. He was considered a retarded boy. I didn’t mind. I was happy to just work out with the trees, being free of over thinking, and not have to imitate people the antagonist hated anymore.
But as the antagonist got resentful of being on the property, he also got more resentful of me. If ever I was needy, or tired, or had any subtle visceral responses that didn’t reflect Skippy, he would get hostile at me again. He was getting to the point that he thought I was just acting at being Skippy. He started wanting me to agree to destroy my own soul again. He said that it was the only way he could be sure that the world would be free of those nefarious space aliens. We could destroy them by destroying me.
I must admit, I was so confused and despondent that I lost any willingness to care. I was almost ready to agree to destroy my own soul, whatever that entailed. I would do it if it benefited others and he wouldn’t be mad at me anymore. I was almost there.
Hope at the edge of despair
When I was at a breaking point back then, when I was alone, I inadvertently tapped into some reserve, and I became hopeful. I somehow got fed from within and got back the will to live. At the time I didn’t know what happened. But after waking up from the nightmare tonight, I am certain of the process that kept me alive back then.
The nightmare I was having just before writing this, was me going back into the experience where the antagonist had almost pushed me over the edge and sent me into some kind of encapsulation of horror. The me in the present, with all my wits and then some, pulled me in the past away from the ledge of despair and saved me from being trapped in a hell that I wouldn’t have been able to wake up from.
As I awoke in the night, I vividly recalled a moment back on the property when I had reached a breaking point. The nightmare I just woke from was me now actually reaching back to assist myself in the moments I desperately needed it. I remember back then having a distinct sense of deja-vu.
A glimpse into intersecting timelines
I had a sense of deja-vu a few times on the property. With all the certainty of a saint, I know I have unlocked the mystery behind the deja-vu. deja-vu is when an aspect of yourself from a different time and space, loops back or forward onto yourself to feed the love and support needed in that moment to survive.
Deja-vu is the feeling of already experiencing something that is happening in the present moment. But in metaphysical terms, everything that we are experiencing is happening at the same time. What if the deja-vu experience is merely being more aware of another timeline at the same time as you are experiencing the present one. What if you are able to tap into yourself at a level of consciousness that was above time and space and so was privy to different vantage points of yourself that were encapsulated in time?
In being able to transcend to a level of consciousness beyond time and space, you can feed healing, love, and truth into the different timelines of yourself as you are learning your lessons in linear time and space scenarios. It means that you can use your awareness in the present time and space to condense all the timelines of yourself into one empowered timeline that encompasses all that you are and ever will be. This is the secret sauce offered in living in the moment. Collecting all the data of you in different experiences and condensing them into one expression of you is what Adepts do.
Perhaps deja-vu is the precipice of releasing all the pain and trauma in all moments, to totally be empowered in the present moment in all moments.
Healing through higher consciousness
I am so used to going to the darkest places of the subtle realms and infusing light into them that it is almost effortless for me now. I recognize that fear is a reaction to a non-light experience. Inducing fear is a way that negative energies try to perpetuate themselves. Your job as an awakening being is to simply stand in love in all situations. As a wave of fear tries to rush over the land, remain in your stance of love and interrupt its momentum. Doing this is like a break wall that prevents waves from eroding the shore.
Jenuine Healing is a break wall of love in a world swept up in fear. SFT tapping gives you an edge to know you can stand strong against the onslaught of negativity. Many who have been washed to the far shores of understanding and have been bashed and broken against the rocks, need something to anchor themselves into their own empowerment. This is what the SFT taps, and my assistance, affords them.